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NEWSCURVES
"Straight news with a curve"

March 2004

Bush endorses Nader
Last week, President George Bush officially endorsed Ralph Nader. “Not only do I endorse Nader, but I’m also pledging to donate $10 million to the Green Party candidate,” said Bush.

Newspaper baron Conrad Black changes his last name to “White” to avoid persecution
“Getting rid of that oppressive name will surely get folks off my back,” said White.

‘That Angelina’s lips are so big’
Angelina Jolie is a buttress for white people who want to talk about big lip blacks
“Man, Jolie really does have some soup coolers,” Hank Roberts.

Eddie Murphy sends hate mail anonymously to Jamie Foxx
“Dear Jamie, Party All the Time would sound good too if Kanye West produced it,” signed anonymous.

Patron surprised Darkroom nightclub has few blacks
“With a name like that, I thought I’d find my people there. I was surprised,” said Jonathan Knight.

February 2004

Despite serial killers’ profile, white town can’t believe killing happened there

Human cloning talk gives Blues man more material

Janet says half time show was no big deal because she didn’t show her real breast

White co-workers fake enthusiasm at annual Black History Month showing of Roots

January 2004

Three-year-old toddler joins NBA
“This is great. Not only will I live out my fantasy, but I’ll get to meet my father for the first time when we play New York,” said Kevin “Shorty” Washington.

Lebron James enters presidential race
“I might as well make the most of my popularity,” said James.

Bob Johnson to buy Baptist Church
“I’ve got some great ideas for gospel videos,” said Johnson.

Leno, Brian, and Letterman skips Michael Jackson jokes for one night
“It was hard, but I managed to do it,” said Leno. “I hope people noticed.”

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