“I go to shake the guys hand and all hell breaks loose.”--Anthony Paretti, negrosity victim.

CHICAGO--A jury awarded a south suburban man $10,000 on July 11 for the pain and suffering from a November 2001 handshake.

Attorneys for delivery truck driver, Anthony Paretti, argued that their client was a victim of "cultural negligence and wreckless negrosity" at the hand of Roscoe "Uncle Fats" DuBois owner of the "Uncle Fats Wings and Thangs" chain of fast food stands.

According to court documents, Parreti 40, was to deliver a shipment of hot links to an Uncle Fats location on Chicago's South Side. " I never been down there before", Paretti told the jury last Wednesday. "So I try to get there early, I know them peoples gets antsy when they're hungry and I don't want to start no riots or nothin'."
Paretti went on to testify that his experience at Uncle Fats was surprisingly uneventful until the end. "It was cool. Uncle Fats himself gave me three wings, some fries, and a slice a bread for the road. Then I go to shake the guys hand and all hell breaks loose." Next Parreti described a "harrowing" 15 minute ordeal of grasps, slaps, snaps, under the leg manuvers and random commands such as "on the black hand side. I thought he was playing patty cake or something at first, but it just wouldn't stop. Two minutes in and I'm like what the *&%@." 

Lawyers for DuBois called the decision an outrage and plan to appeal. "It's not inherently dangerous to shake a Black man's hand. Our client was just being friendly. What do you expect from a guy who doesn't mind being called Uncle Fats?" 

A jurist, who wished to remain anonymous, stated that she felt that DuBois should have simply used more caution. "I've seen these soul shakes before. You see them a lot on UPN and WB. They look so athletic and inviting. White people simply don't have enough rhythm to keep up with them. Mr. DuBois should have known that."

Harlan Jenkins, the lone Black American on the jury and single dissenter, was disgusted. "Aw, he hurt his hand, poor baby. I broke my ass last week trying to get out of Bridgeport and ain't nobody give me nothin'." 

The Reverend Jesse Jackson plans to stage a "Shake-In" at the Uncle Fats Wings and Thangs on 200 W. 60th street this Saturday. Rev. Jackson encouraged everyone to purchase three wings and fries with mild sauce, salt and pepper. 

OK, I must admit that I was waiting for Mayor Richard Daley to say, sike!!! I was just playing. I am going to run again. LOL But a few days have passed and it seems to be real. And everybody, including current and former Black elected officials to professional candidates (meaning you have run for more than three DIFFERENT offices) and somebody's momma (Carol Mosely Braun has children, right?) is looking at the top seat in Chicago.

Even my man Warren Ballentine is being urged to run. And how can you blame folks. Anytime an important, influential position opens up in an organization, a company or even in the family den, people will want to try their luck at getting that seat. LOL You know you couldn't wait for your granddaddy to leave the room so you could plop yourself in that soft recliner, hit that level to lean back with your feet raised and watch TV. 

Now, I am joking here a little, but this is serious business for the third largest city in the U.S. The city is in a $655 million deficit. 

The Black Agenda
What does this mean to Black people in Chicago and Cook County? Well, we know the model that got Harold Washington elected the first Black mayor of Chicago won't work. We saw that in the Cook County Democratic race this past February. First, you can have several Black people in the race and a Black person can still win. 

Well, here's the $655 million dollar question. Does it matter what race the next mayor of Chicago is? Seriously, don't give a knee-jerk response. There are people in power today that have not stopped their forward motion because we have a Black president. 

The Honorable Louis Farrakhan said a long time ago that "Politics without economics is symbol without substance." Should we be discussing a Black Agenda focused on education and jobs or should we jump behind one of the people thinking about running?

Who wants to run this town?

Announced:
State Senator Rickey Hendon pulled an old school "political gangsta" move announcing his campaign for mayor and said that any other Black candidates that enter the race are spoilers.

William "Dock" Walls, a community activist and former aide to the late Mayor Harold Washington, has jumped into the race. Now, Dock has run for governor, congressman and mayor in the last four years. 

Carol Mosley Braun has clearly expressed interest. 

Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr., has expressed interest in the past

Terry Peterson, the mayor's former 2007 campaign manager

Christopher Cooper, a relatively unknown civil rights attorney and former Marine. 

Unannounced
State Senator James Meek

Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr.