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Free negro had no idea Indians were white men in costume

by Ican Read

During the American resistance movement, Samuel Adams and a band of colonists led a demonstration against Great Britain. They planned to throw 900 boxes of tea into the harbor. But because of Crazy Sammy, a free negro, they weren’t even half way successful.

Crazy Sammy, a dockworker nearly single handedly stopped renegade colonists determined to dump the King’s tea in the harbor on the 16th day of December in the year of our Lord of 1773. 

According to reports, the colonists, dressed up as Indians, rushed the East India Company’s boat, determined to destroy 900 boxes of tea. The resistance plan was good, but no one considered a negro named Crazy Sammy who was assigned the task of taking the tea off the boat.

Not knowing that the Indians were really white American colonists in costume seeking justice, Crazy Sammy used some strange African dance moves to knock several attackers into the water. The demonstrators managed to dump 342 boxes of tea, but Crazy Sammy eventually protected several hundred boxes of tea. “I shook up the world! I shook up the world!” shouted an emotional Crazy Sammy after the scuffle. 

Bean Soup Times was on the scene and interviewed Crazy Sammy. “All I know is that I’m working, trying to earn some money to free my wife. I was called into action. I get 2 cents for every ten 30lb boxes I put on shore.”

Resistance leader Samuel Adams was not as pleased. He walked right up to this reporter and Crazy Sammy. “Boy, I never would have let you buy your papers if I knew you would do this,” said Adams. “I heard what you just said. Here we are fighting for freedom against tyrants and all he can talk about is earning the money to free his nigra slave wife. We would have emptied more were it not for him. He’s lucky he thought he was helping us, so God help him. I need some beer.”

Here’s the rest of the conversation Crazy Sammy between Samuel Adams.

“Crazy, them is white men you just attacked. We’re dumping this tea in protest for an injustice being done to us. We must have justice.”

“Just who?,” said Crazy Sammy looking worried. “When you say just us, who are you talking about?”

“What? No, not just us, but justice”

“I heard you sir, but who is just them?”

“Just..ICE boy. J-u-s-t-i-c-e! Look. This has nothing to do with you. This is a sojourn for truth.”

“Sojourner Truth? Strange name for a person.”

“What? Never mind boy, because You are confusing Me. Just know that no longer will we white men tolerate these intolerable acts!,” said Adams.

“White folks being done wrong? Who foolish enough to do that?,” said Crazy Sammy.

“Red Coats,” said Adams.

“Red Folks? Injins? Ones like you all are dressed up as?,” said Crazy Sammy.

“No. Red Coats boy!. The British. They are tyrants! You won’t understand this with your little negro mind, but they treat us as less than men!” said Adams.

“You don’t say,” replied Crazy Sammy.

“They force rules on us and rob us of our dignity! They treating us like, like, like we ain’t better than you nigras!”

“Why don’t you just look for your reward in death and get that pie high in the sky when you die and forget about looking for something sound on the ground while you are still around? That’s what us nigras been doing and it’s working out just fine.”

“It’s obvious why your name is Crazy Sammy.”