Piners Press

Paperback, $20.00

140 pages, Illustrated

ISBN: 978-0-578-05536-7

Book Review by Kam Williams

“I wrote this book as a guide for young women so that they won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made… I really needed someone to step in and show me that I could be so much more…

Because I have been in the bottom of the barrel… I thought to myself, ‘You can’t just sit around and do nothing when so many of your home girls are getting pregnant, chasing these no-good guys, and going down that same road you were headed.’

As I hear the latest statistics about young people—getting pregnant, contracting STDs and AIDS, losing their lives, going back to jail time and time again, and just living lives that were not meant for them—I know why they are there, because I have been in many of those places.

By the end of this book, I hope you will have learned the easy way what I learned the hard way. ”

-- Excerpted from the Introduction (pgs. 1-2)

            Although billed as a relationship advice book, this jaw-dropping memoir really reads more like the cautionary confessions of a wanton party girl gone wild who’s done it all and was lucky enough to live to tell the tale. Tenisha Gainey’s uncensored autobiography actually reminds me of the Jack Kerouac classic “On the Road,” between the relentless joy ride and the surreal, stream of consciousness writing style. 

            Yes, the author is ultimately Born Again by the end, but one can only wonder whether this belated convert to Christianity will be able to resist the temptation to revert to her hedonistic patterns. After all, Tenisha’s horrible taste in men and admitted weakness for alcohol (especially a mixed drink called The Incredible Hulk) led her to rack up a lot of road miles on her body before she had turned 20. That self-destructive path was marked by substance abuse, abortion, STDs, prostitution, rape, incarceration and involuntary commitment to a mental institution.

            A sucker for any guy with a flashy automobile, again and again the author made the worst dating choices imaginable. For example, she describes the night she impulsively agreed to be gangbanged in a motel room by some middle-aged, white men who propositioned her at a traffic light on their way to a poker game. She even felt flattered by a pimp who told her she was pretty enough to add to his stable since she’d attract a lot of business.   

            The tragedy is how she’d squandered her considerable potential, flunking out of Fairleigh Dickinson University, after having been seduced by the lure of making easy money. But the thrill of giving lap dances in seedy strip clubs, sponging-off losers for fifty bucks a pop in the boom-boom room, and sleeping with old dudes oozing AIDS sores down in Florida wore off after awhile.

            Before you start pointing fingers, try walking a mile in Tenisha’s hot pants and high heels. Well, on second thought, maybe you should only think about it. She was clearly a victim of circumstances during her formative years, being born to a 16 year-old single-mom and an absentee career criminal who was always out on the street or behind bars.

            How do you think you’d fare in similar circumstances? Fortunately, Tenisha’s doing fine now (cross your fingers), and the sky’s the limit with God as her co-pilot. The icing on the cake will be when Oprah options her life story for an inspirational, overcoming-the-odds biopic.              

Editor's Note:
"There is no such thing as a no good woman because every no good woman was made no good by a no good man." Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad

Kel Mitchell

Born in the Windy City on August 25, 1978, Kel Mitchell began his acting career at the tender age of 12 with the ETA Creative Arts Foundation. A couple years later, he got the opportunity of a lifetime when he flew to Florida to be a part of a new children’s television network that would later become Nickelodeon.  

Kel was an original cast member on Nickelodeon’s “All That” which enjoyed a successful run from 1994 to 1999. He and Kenan Thompson also co-starred in the spin-off series “Kenan & Kel,” as well as in the hit film Good Burger.

Kel’s resume includes appearances on such sitcoms as “Sister Sister,” “The Steve Harvey Show” and “One on One,” and roles in movies like “Mystery Men,”  “Honeydipper” and “The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle.” Kel has done a lot of voice work on children’s cartoon series, too, from playing the mild-mannered “T-Bone” on “Clifford the Big Red Dog” to the delightful “Ant” on “The Ant and the Aardvark.”

A versatile talent, Kel recently stepped behind the camera to write and direct “She Is Not My Sister,” an upcoming, faith-based feature film about bullying and forgiveness. Here, he talks both about that movie and about providing the voice of “Dutch” on the new Disney XD animated series “Motorcity.”

Kam Williams: Hi, Kel, thanks for the interview.

Kel Mitchell: No, thank you, Kam. I really appreciate it.

KW: What interested you in Motorcity?

KM: I had worked with the director and creator, Chris Prynoski, before on a Cartoon Network project. He had shown me some artwork from Motorcity when it was at the beginning stages, and I thought it was visually amazing. So when I heard the project got picked up at Disney XD, and he wanted me to be a part of the show, I was totally down!

KW: What would you say is the show’s theme?

KM: It’s like the Terminator meets Fast and Furious. It’s set in the future. There is this man named Abraham Kane who built a city of tomorrow above the city of Detroit. He controls the people still living in underground Detroit with robotic soldiers, ‘droids and tanks. However, one thing stands in his way of total domination. And that is a group of teens with tricked-out cars who call themselves “The Burners.”

KW: Tell me a little about your character, Dutch?

KM: He is the brains behind “The Burners,” their cars, and all of their cool, hi-tech weapons. I have a lot of fun playing Dutch. He uses tons of technical words and gadgets with names that are fun to say. Plus, it’s fun to know my character is the one making the cars, because the cars in the cartoon are so awesome.

KW: How is acting in a cartoon different from acting in a live-action adventure?

KM: If all the actors are in the recording session at the same time, you can record all voices for one episode in an hour. Of course, the animation takes longer but the voice acting is done very quickly. It’s a lot of action in Motorcity so, for example, a lot of times we’re jumping up and down and screaming in the studio. Consequently, it sounds believable when they animate our characters driving up a ramp shooting at robots. I love seeing what the animators do with my voice acting. 

KW: What interested you in directing?

KM: I created and wrote “She Is Not My Sister” with the intention of directing it. This film is the first of many films that I plan to direct.

KW: Tell me a little about the movie?

KM: "She Is Not My Sister" is the story of how a high school senior’s life takes a turn for the worse when her father returns home from a business trip married to the mother of her high school arch enemy.  It’s a fun, teen dramedy with a great cast.

KW: How did you enjoy writing and directing your first feature film?

KM: I enjoyed every minute of it. Hopefully, I will be doing it many, many more times in the future.

KW: What message do you think people will take away from the movie?

KM: How to forgive your enemies which in and of itself is a very hard thing to do. Often, when you are upset and allowing your emotions to control you, forgiveness seems so out of reach. But once you let go and let God take control, you begin to realize that forgiveness is the only way to really win. True forgiveness is the only real key to happiness in your life. Also, sometimes it’s not always an enemy you need to forgive, sometimes it’s yourself.

KW: How big a role did your faith play in the production?

KM: Faith is what drove this film. Faith is what I live by in everything that I do. I strive to give glory to God in every aspect of my life, even my films.

KW: When I think of you, what immediately comes to mind are your Nickelodeon collaborations with Kenan Thompson on All That, Kenan and Kel and Good Burger? Are you still in touch with Kenan?

KM: No, we have not seen each other in awhile.

KW: Is there any question no one ever asks you, that you wish someone would?

KM: Nope, no lingering question comes immediately to mind.

KW: The Tasha Smith question: Are you ever afraid?

KM: God does not give us the spirit of fear, so I do not chose to give in to fear because I know that the creator designed us to win no matter what we face. When I am faced with a circumstance that in the past I would have been fearful about I turn it over immediately to Christ. When I learned this principle as a Christian, I became fearless.

KW: The Columbus Short question: Are you happy?

KM: Very happy! I treat anger, grief and strife as a sin, so I let all that go and I am no longer living a sinful life. Today, I command my days by confessing that every minute will be blessed and perfect. My confession then has no other choice but to confer blessings upon my life.

KW: The Teri Emerson question: When was the last time you had a good laugh?

KM: My wife and I have so many private jokes, and we share the same taste in humor, so we laugh constantly. It is one of our favorite things. We love to laugh!

KW: What is your guiltiest pleasure?

KM: [LOL] Comic book stores.

KW: The bookworm Troy Johnson question: What was the last book you read?

KM: Dr. Kenneth E. Hagin’s “How to Turn Your Faith Loose.”

KW: The music maven Heather Covington question: What was the last song you listened to?

KM: “Battery” by V. Rose. 

KW: What is your favorite dish to cook?

KM: Kam, man, there are just too many to choose from, I love to cook.

KW: The Sanaa Lathan question: What excites you?

KM: The word of God and my wife.

KW: The Uduak Oduok question: Who is your favorite clothes designer?

KM: I’m really into fashion, and this is another question where I’m going to have to say that there are too many to choose. I really can’t pick just one.

KW: Dante Lee, author of "Black Business Secrets,” asks: What was the best business decision you ever made, and what was the worst?

KM: Worst: Not putting in place a viable plan for my future vision. Best: Writing the vision and making it plain.  

KW: When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

KM: A conqueror!

KW: If you could have one wish instantly granted, what would that be for?

KM: That everyone I meet would give their life to Christ.

KW: The Ling-Ju Yen question: What is your earliest childhood memory?

KM: One that immediately comes to mind is the day my dog “Busy” pulled me out of a deep pond that I fell into in winter.

KW: The Kerry Washington question: If you were an animal, what animal would you be?

KM: A Lion!

KW: The Pastor Alex Kendrick question: When do you feel the most content?

KM:  When I’m in the arms of my wife.

KW: The Toure question: Who is the person who led you to become the person you are today?

KM: Every pastor, evangelist and teacher that the Holy Spirit used to speak the word of God to me, and every person that has prayed me through.

KW: The Judyth Piazza question: What key quality do you believe all successful people share?

KM: Faith.

KW: What advice do you have for anyone who wants to follow in your footsteps?

KM: Change the way you speak about yourself and others. Words have power. Speak positively and positive things will happen to you. Speak negatively and negative things will happen to you. Choose positive words.

 KW: The Tavis Smiley question: How do you want to be remembered?

KM: As a God fearing man, led by the Holy Spirit, who showed love to others and served as an effective ambassador for Christ.

KW: Thanks again for the time, Kel, and best of luck with the movie and the new show.

KM: Thank you so much for the interview, Kam. It was good speaking with you. God bless.

Psychotherapist Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, LCSW, BCD gives a professional perspective on Steve Harvey's movie, Think Like a Man, which is based on the book, Think Like a Man, Act Like a Women: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment (2009).

On May 10, Dr. Buckingham will release his new book, Qualified, Yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single to reveal the abnormal thought patterns behind men's emotions and actions, which women should not try to emulate. While Dr. Buckingham thanks Steve Harvey for sharing his perspective about men with millions of women and praises him for igniting a meaningful dialog, he points out that Steve Harvey is a professional comedian not a licensed relationship expert and can only provide an opinion based on his experiences.

Many understand that the movie, Think Like a Man is probably intended to be a humorous parody to make light of an ongoing situation, however Dr. Buckingham expresses that he is deeply disturbed by the fact that Steve Harvey is instructing women to play games and to use bribery to get what they desire from men - especially since love and relationships are highly cherished in the Black community. "Relationships built on game playing cannot, and do not, work. Steve Harvey's advice to 'think like a man' is extremely irrational and flawed. An individual's behavior is not only influenced by thinking, but is determined by it. It is impossible to think one way and act another. Flawed and irrational thinking will not, and cannot, lead to healthy emotional expression or behavior," states Dr. Buckingham.

As a licensed and board certified psychotherapist with more than fourteen years of clinical and community outreach experience, Dr. Buckingham feels that his efforts to help Black women enter into and develop healthy relationships are being undermined by self-proclaimed relationship experts who are sabotaging and corrupting the mind-sets of women who desire to receive true love and commitment from men. He feels that self-proclaimed relationship experts give advice based on external behavior that is present to the eye, but often do not discuss the why behind behavior because they are not trained or truly qualified to do so.

Dr. Buckingham explains that in some cases it is okay to start at a person's present situation and move forward, which is the basis of life coaching. However, in his professional experience with interacting with thousands of women and men in therapy, he explains that behind every behavior there is usually an underlying emotional or psychological issue that has not been addressed.

With so much attention being focused on Steve Harvey's movie and book, which many believe its concepts and have taken Steve Harvey's advice, Dr. Buckingham strongly advises that before taking advice from anybody the listener should research and check credentials of those who are providing blueprints based on their personal experiences. Dr. Buckingham explains that human behavior and development is much more complex than what is discussed on radio shows, blogs, and in barber and beauty shops.

From a professional assessment, Dr. Buckingham gives five reasons why women should not "Think Like a Man":

1. Women should not "Think Like A Man" because men often think that minimizing and repressing emotions is acceptable. While both women and men experience emotional distress, men's coping styles are usually very passive in nature when it comes to dealing with emotions. Men are repeatedly instructed to deny or minimize emotions; therefore men often ignore and avoid dealing with them until they become unbearable.

2. Women should not "Think Like A Man" because men think that expression of emotions is a sign of weakness. Expressing sensitive or nurturing emotions, or giving freely, is not praised or encouraged among men. The pressure to maintain masculinity and to remain strong often creates emotional roadblocks for men. As a result, feelings of remorse, forgiveness, sadness, and empathy are overshadowed by feelings of self-pity, anger, embarrassment, pride, and loss.

3. Women should not "Think Like A Man" because some men think that it is okay to make decisions with their "little heads" instead of their big heads. "Get all the sex, you can get" mindset appears to be the driving force that dictate most men's behavior. Sexual dominance is often praised and encouraged among men and is used to demonstrate power and control. This mindset is the root cause of adulterous behavior among some men and is significantly contributing to the decline of the institution of marriage.

4. Women should not "Think Like A Man" because men think that it is acceptable to think then act. This is unhealthy and flawed thinking because the most important aspect of human bonding and understanding is centered on emotional intimacy, not intellectual or behavioral. A man or woman who operates without processing from the heart will often fail at developing meaningful relationships. Decisions to act should not occur without processing thoughts, feelings and behaviors (Think-Feel-Do).

5. Women should not "Think Like A Man" because some men think that they can play games and get positive results in their relationships. How defective is this thinking? Even the bible says, "You Reap What You So" (Galatians 6:7). If a relationship is started by playing games, those in the relationship will become a game. If a relationship is entered based on deception, the relationship will be maintained based on deception.