Jesus returns as a Black man, gets arrested by police
Monday, October 25, 2010 at 9:55AM Bean Soup Times tagged Black Jesus, Chicago Police, racism in Humor, Satire Archives: August 2001
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CHICAGO--Fulfilling a 2,000-year-old promise, Jesus the Christ--returned to earth as a Black man--only to be physically assaulted by Chicago police who said the Son of God fit the description of a burglar wanted in a string of thefts on the north side.
The Chicago Police Department alerted the area residents that a 5' 10', medium complexion Black man about 30 to 33-years-old, with a thick, short Afro was sought in apparent home invasions occurring near Wrigley Field--home of the Cubs.
Seeking to "reprove the world of sin", Jesus--sporting baby locks--began his task by trying to identify one of the two billion Christians who follow him. Jesus approached a man of European descent sitting on his front porch. Startled, the man ran into the house immediately and called 911 demanding police apprehend this suspicious looking Black man who had "hair like lamb's wool."
With "feet like fine brass burned in an oven," Jesus was forced to walk down three flights of stairs despite a wound in his side suffered at the end of an officer's stick. While in custody, police said Jesus signed a confession admitting he would return "as a thief in the night."
Chicago Police Superintendent Terry Hilliard still maintained that despite Jesus being the Prince of Peace, police actions were justified. "Jesus resisted arrest. He turned his cheek when struck by an officer, whom interpreted the move as a sign of aggression. They thought he was going for a weapon of some sort. Turns out is was a piece of fish, but the officers had no way of knowing that," said Supt. Hilliard. "They had no choice, but to forcefully apprehend him."
Pope John Paul II--on a plane leaving from Poland where he attended an annual tribute to the Shrine of the Black Madonna and child--was unavailable at BEAN SOUP TIMES press time.
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