Film tentatively titled, ‘When Jesus Comes Black’

Wanting to be even truer to biblical text, Mel Gibson has cast Black Jesus himself in his much-anticipated sequel to The Passion. “I really wanted Danny Glover to do it, but he is too old and too many people still remember him as Mister in The Color Purple,” said Gibson. “The Bible says Jesus has hair like lamb’s wool. I think Danny could have pulled it off. My second option was Samuel Jackson. That head of hair he grew for Pulp Fiction was definitely lamb woolish.”

Gibson’s decision has caused great opposition from the radical Remember Michelangelo’s Version (RMV) group. The group opposes any versions of Jesus that do not resemble the one famed European artist Michelangelo drew on the Sistinc Chapel.

“We think the artist was right and modern society should not be swayed by biblical biases,” said Steve Fairbanks. “It’s hard. Sometimes we even debate if Jesus has blond hair and blue eyes or brunette hair and brown eyes. But we do know that he was white as snow.”

But Black Jesus wonders why Mel Gibson would cast a white man as Jesus in the first place. “How do you stay so true to text that you do subtitles, but have a white man playing me? I’m black as some of Madea’s fine brass burned in an oven. The movie Bruce Almighty was more true to reality than The Passion.”