U.S.S. Lincoln—In a move that shocked President Bush’s strongest critics, the leader of the free world

gave an about 30 minute speech nearly completely free of grammatical errors. Viewers nationwide were moved to tears. “He’s just a fine speaker when he really wants to be,” said Elizabeth McHenry from her home in Omaha, Nebraska. “I am so proud of him.”

Even his father, former president Bush was surprised at his son’s precise use of the English language.

“It was music to my ears,” said Bush. “I think he’s finally ready to be emperor.” The White House fax machines were flooded with praise from critics and supporters alike. “President Bush, you spoke as eloquently as Rev. Jesse Jackson would have if he were in your shoes,” read one fax. “Loved your speech Mr. President. Not only have you ended the conflict in Iraq, but you spoke with just as much precision as a smart bomb,” read another fax.