South Holland—Studebaker Wrench believes he holds the secret to keeping a woman; Sing any Prince

song to yourself while engaging in any mundane activity with the targeted woman. Oh, and carry a pistol. "That's how I've managed to catch and keep my wife," said Mr. Wench from his apartment overlooking the Mid-Easter bakery on Clark Street. "When I really want to put the clamps on her, I hum Prince's 1999 and then follow up with "Little Red Corvette."

Publicly his wife nodded her head in agreement, but when Mr. Wrench left the room, she expressed

her true feelings. "I am so tired of this trifling man. He'd be sexy if he got a job, paid some bills and accepted his duties and obligations as a father and husband," she said.