WASHINGTON, D.C.--Several major media outlets, including NBC and CBS admitted to viewers July 11 that the reason coverage of current events in Africa have, for several years, been nearly nonexistent is because they have lost the entire continent.

According to the It's Really The Dark Continent Foundation (Dark Continent), reporters claim that the only time they even remember Africa exist is when Goodyear does a special on where they get all their rubber trees from or when there's a special on the History Channel about Cecil Rhodes, who exploited southern Africa and made millions off of stolen diamonds. 

The White House promised a full-fledged investigation. "African must be found," said Pres. George W. Bush. "If I tried to go to Egypt today, I'd just fall in an oil deposit and that's just not a good thing for the United States president. I'd get all black and stuff."

Both the FBI and CIA have combined their efforts to unravel what may become the greatest mystery of the 21 Century. All government agencies are on red alert just in case the continent shows up somewhere in America. A White House insider called the hunt for Black Africa within the borders of America a hoax. "The ones who stole Africa have us thinking that it could be right here in America, but that's impossible," said the anonymous source. "Africa is bigger than America."

If anyone has any information that can lead to the rediscovery of Africa call 1-800-The Dark.