CHICAGO—Doctors discovered a man acquired “eye herpes” after watching two hours of BET rap videos.

Concerned family member rushed the man to the hospital after they found him sitting in front of the television with a can of pop and six chicken wing bones.

“I knew something was wrong when I saw a cold sore forming on his eye lid,” said Charmaine, his older sister. “Then I got scared when he stopped breathing.” Paramedics rushed to the home, quickly administered CPR, and made the man watch 10 minutes of a Minister Louis Farrakhan tape to put

him back on the path of recovery. The hospital failed to properly treat the man but charged him

$60,000.